


Dearest Veronica, What is the Big O?

by DarkPhoenixGoddess10



Series: Anne and Richard: Inspired by Fairy Tales [4]
Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fairy Tale Retellings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-10 00:11:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPhoenixGoddess10/pseuds/DarkPhoenixGoddess10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative Universe, Victorian era</p><p>Lady Anne Neville overheard her sister Isabel talking about the "Big O" and wondered what it is. In her series of letters to her confidante Veronica, Anne detailed her adventures to find out the "Big O" and how she came to meet her true love.</p><p>Inspired by "The Boy Who Went Forth to Learn Fear" of the Grimms Fairy Tale</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mother

**Author's Note:**

> This story is in the format of letters; in Victorian era, letters were long and detailed. Queen Victoria was very famous for her long and numerous letters to her daughters and granddaughters; it was through these letters we learned another side of the Queen and her family relations.

_June 1870_

My Dearest Veronica,

It saddens me gravely that I am leaving the boarding school. I promise you that I will never, ever forget the wonderful times we had in our shared bedroom. But the time has come and I must return home; my mother wrote me that my father has died. Therefore I must go home.

I remember that the first day we met you asked me why was I sent here and I never told you. Yes, my family is wealthy and my (late) father held the title of Earl of Warwick, which is inherited by my sister Isabel and her husband Sir George York. My sister Isabel, however, did not attend this boarding school. I was sent here as a form of punishment.

The boarding school had not been a pleasant experience; you were my only source of light. Our school mistress, Lady Margaret Beaufort—you know how unpleasant she is! She made us pray three times a day! She claims that her son is destined to be great—even though I do not know what she meant by “great” (probably she meant her son was to be the future Prime Minister). Lady Margaret is so ugly; her face is long, and her cheeks are hallowed. We used to secretly compare her to the witches in the tales of Hans Anderson. Mama knew Lady Margaret Beaufort well, which was why she sent me here.

It all began at the eve of my sister’s wedding to Sir George York, the second son of the York, the wealthiest family in London. I met Sir George York only once and I found him quite charming. I could not help but envy my sister’s good fortune. My late father told me that my time will come too. At the wedding, I met three York brothers: Sir Edward York, the oldest; he has a beautiful wife Lady Elizabeth Woodville and three lovely daughters; Sir George York, Isabel’s husband; and Sir Richard York, only three years older than me. Sir Richard (or Dickon as his family called him) is polite but very stoic. My father had me sit with him at Isabel’s wedding; at the time, I did not know his intentions. However, now, I have this feeling that my father might have intended for me to marry Sir Richard.

I haven’t seen Sir Richard for so long. He should be nineteen by now. Isabel hardly ever mentions him in her letters. My instinct tells me that George and Richard do not get along.

Isabel and I played together for the very last time the night before her wedding. We played with our dolls and our dollhouse; we had our tea party. We stayed up late until our nanny came. She put me to bed and I feigned sleep. Then I heard Isabel and my nanny giggle together. I could not hear them clearly, but I heard one thing: the big O.

What is the “big O”?

I never had the opportunity to ask my sister or our nanny. After Isabel moved out of our mansion to live with the Yorks, I gathered all my courage and asked Mama at dinner.

“Mama, may I ask you a question?” I, as an obedient ten year-old child, asked.

“What is it?” Mama asked without even looking at me.

“What is the ‘big O’?”

Mama stopped drinking her soup and her eyes became still. She got up abruptly and then ordered my nanny to take me to my room. I was told not to leave my room for the rest of the night.

The next day she sent my governess and nanny packing.

The day after, she sent me to the boarding school.

It was here I met you and we shared a room for six years until last week Mama wrote me, informing me of my father’s death. He was run over by a cart. My heart is still heavy and I miss him.

The day I came home, Mama invited two guests: Comtesse Marguerite d’Anjou and her son, Sir Edward Lancaster. Sir Edward is only two years older than me; it did not take me long to guess Mama's motivation. I behaved well before our guests and I studied Sir Edward’s looks and postures. He was not bad-looking, but he never even once looked at me. Mama and Comtesse Marguerite spoke while Sir Edward and I listened. When Madame la Comtesse left with her son, I curtsied like a proper lady.

At dinner, Mama asked me, “How do you like Sir Edward?”

Compared to Lady Margaret Beaufort, Mama is only slightly more pleasant. Since dear Papa died, she had set her mission to marry me off to a wealthy family. I thought about the York family, but Mama would not hear it. She blames the death of my father on the York brothers.

According to Mama, Sir Edward York encountered some business issues and asked for Papa's assistance. On his way to meet Sir Edward York, dear Papa was hit by a cart and died soon after. Had Sir Edward not called on dear Papa, he might still be here with us. Isabel wrote me too on this matter; she is angry at Sir Edward as well. However, she blames his wife, Lady Elizabeth. In her letters, Isabel called Lady Elizabeth “Lady MacBeth”; it was her Woodville family that caused so many troubles for the Yorks. It was because of the Woodvilles that Sir Edward called on dear Papa and led him to his death.

Because of the tensions between our family and the York family, now the marriage between Sir Richard York and I is no longer plausible.

No matter, Mama has her heart set on the Lancaster marriage. Sir Edward Lancaster’s father, Lord Henry Lancaster, is an ill-old man who would die soon. Therefore, Sir Edward Lancaster will inherit his wealth and title soon. His mother is French noblewoman who attended balls held by Empress Eugenie in France. A marriage between Sir Edward Lancaster and I is indeed very rewarding for Mother and I.

By far, I only met Sir Edward Lancaster once; however, I have faith in myself. I may not as pretty as Isabel, but my features are pleasant as well; and I will bring a huge dowry no man will resist. Mama has invited Sir Edward Lancaster and his mother Madame la Comtesse for tea again. She informed me that Sir Edward Lancaster will propose soon. She had a new dress prepared for me for this occasion. The dress is beautiful; and it is mauve.

Standing before the mirror, I cannot wait for my moment to come.

Dear Papa is watching from the heaven; and he will be so proud.

Your dearest friend and confidante,

_Lady Anne Neville_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A father had two sons. The oldest one was clever and intelligent, and knew how to manage everything, but the youngest one was stupid and could neither understand nor learn anything. When people saw him, they said, "He will be a burden on his father!"
> 
> Now when something had to be done, it was always the oldest son who had to do it. However, if the father asked him fetch anything when it was late, or even worse, at night, and if the way led through the churchyard or some other spooky place, he would always answer, "Oh, no, father, I won't go there. It makes me shudder!" For he was afraid.
> 
> In the evening by the fire when stories were told that made one's flesh creep, the listeners sometimes said, "Oh, that makes me shudder!" The youngest son would sit in a corner and listen with the others, but he could not imagine what they meant.
> 
> "They are always saying, 'It makes me shudder! It makes me shudder!' It does not make me shudder. That too must be a skill that I do not understand."
> 
> Source: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm004.html


	2. Sir Edward Lancaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon afterward the sexton came to the house on a visit, and the father complained to him about his troubles, telling him how his younger son was so stupid in everything, that he knew nothing and was learning nothing. "Just think," he said, "when I asked him how he was going to earn his bread, he actually asked to learn to shudder."
> 
> "If there is nothing more than that," replied the sexton, "he can learn that with me. Just send him to me. I will plane off his rough edges."
> 
> The father agreed to do this, for he thought, "It will do the boy well."
> 
> So the sexton took him home with him, and he was to ring the church bell. A few days later the sexton awoke him at midnight and told him to get up, climb the church tower, and ring the bell.
> 
> "You will soon learn what it is to shudder," he thought. He secretly went there ahead of him. After the boy had reached the top of the tower, had turned around and was about to take hold of the bell rope, he saw a white figure standing on the steps opposite the sound hole.
> 
> "Who is there?" he shouted, but the figure gave no answer, neither moving nor stirring. "Answer me," shouted the boy, "or get out of here. You have no business here at night."
> 
> The sexton, however, remained standing there motionless so that the boy would think he was a ghost.
> 
> The boy shouted a second time, "What do you want here? Speak if you are an honest fellow, or I will throw you down the stairs."
> 
> The sexton thought, "He can't seriously mean that." He made not a sound and stood as if he were made of stone.
> 
> Then the boy shouted to him for the third time, and as that also was to no avail, he ran toward him and pushed the ghost down the stairs. It fell down ten steps and remained lying there in a corner. Then the boy rang the bell, went home, and without saying a word went to bed and fell asleep."
> 
> Source: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm004.html

_October, 1870_

My Dearest Veronica,

I am writing to you with my heaviest heart. I know it had been months since I wrote—so much had happened. My engagement to Sir Edward Lancaster never happened and will not happen; Mama refused to speak to me, well she actually disowned me; I don’t even live at home anymore. I am writing to you from the residence of Dr. William Hastings, a mathematician and academic professor from Oxford.

It was July; Mama invited Madame la Comtesse Margurite d’Anjou and her son Sir Edward Lancaster for tea. Mama had her heart set on this event, for she spent a good sum of money on my new dress, new shoes, new stockings, new gloves, and a new hat. Standing before the mirror, I was a perfect lady. I followed Mama to have tea with Madame la Comtesse and her son. I think Madame la Comtesse may have found me satisfying. She asked me if I know French; she asked me if I know how to dance; and she asked after my health. I replied as simply as I could—I have rehearsed that with Mama for so many times! And I got it right, for Madame la Comtesse asked me to show Sir Edward our gardens!

I dipped a slight curtsey and showed Sir Edward our roses and gardens. Sir Edward was born in London, but he was groomed a Frenchman. He preferred to speak in French; I know French but my pronunciations are poor (as you know). Sir Edward was much generous than his mother. He was kind to me, and finally he smiled. My heart was pounding! I couldn’t wait for the moment he proposes! Mama would be so proud of me.

He started to have conversation with me. He asked me about my sister and my studying at the boarding school. I overcame my shyness and told him everything, including “The Big O”. I even asked if he knows what it is. He thought for a moment, and laughed.

“What is it?” I pressed.

“In French, it’s called _le_ _jourir_.”

“You mean day?”

“No, not _le jour; le jourir_.”

“Play?”

“That’s _jouer_.” He laughed even harder.

I was never taught that word in my French lessons.

“ _Le jourir_ ,” I repeated after him. “Have I pronounced it correctly?”

“ _Oui_ ,” he nodded.

“So, _qu’est-ce que le jourir_?” I asked.

“ _C’est difficile d’expliquer_ ,” he answered. “It can only be shown…by other means.”

“Will you show me?” My eyes brightened.

“Of course, I will,” he said. “We are marrying sooner or later in the future. Maman is starting to like you, just as I do.”

I was overjoyed. “Can you show me today, _le jourir_?”

“I will,” he replied. “But it has to be somewhere…secret.”

So we agreed to meet at the bell tower. At the evening, I managed to sneak out. I don’t have to fear that Mama finds out, since Sir Edward already agreed to our marriage. I was merely leaving the house to meet my fiancé. By the time I got to the bell tower, he was already there, waiting for me. As I climbed up the stairs, he leant out his hand. I placed mine in his…it was so warm!

“Are you going to show me now?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said faithfully. “Lift the hem of your dress.”

I was stunned.

Blushing, I began to back away from him. “I can’t…it’s not ladylike.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, I am your fiancé.”

He approached closer and closer. Fearing that he’d break off our engagement, I remained at my spot. He touched me by the shoulder, and then slipped his hand down to my hips and then all the way down to the hem of my dress. My breathing became more difficult, especially under my corset, tightened by Mama. I felt hot…and then I couldn’t breathe. In a moment of panic, I pushed Sir Edward away from me.

He lost his balance and then fell down through the stairs—made of stone!

By God! What have I done!

I was so frightened but I couldn’t scream. But Sir Edward was in pain; his groans caught the attention of the priest.

And thus, my engagement to Sir Edward Lancaster was over, as if it never was.

Madame la Comtesse left in anger, calling me “ _la bêtee_ ”. She took her injured son with her.

Mama was furious, so furious that she pulled me by the hair and then threw me out of the door. I was left out on the street alone by myself.

Having nowhere to go, I wondered on the streets of London. Who can take me in? I went back to my mansion and banged the door, begging for Mama’s forgiveness. However, there was no response. I, Lady Anne Neville, am being disowned by my own mother.

Thank God it was only July, for it was not cold. I was wondering on the street, thinking how it all came to this. All because of that “Big O”. I still don’t understand what the “Big O” is. Despite his injury, Sir Edward never fully showed it to me. As hours went by, I was hungry and thirsty. I began to mutter to myself, “If only I can know the Big O…If only I can know the Big O…”

That caught the attention of an elder gentleman. He introduced himself to me as Dr. William Hastings. He had studied the Big O for years, or so he said. It is even more surprising that a young woman like me was interested, he added. He asked if I need a ride home. Sadly I told him that I no longer have a home. The kind Dr. Hastings took me in. When he asked for my name, I introduced myself as “Anna Newtown”.

Dr. William Hastings and his wife live in a stone house, but much smaller than my mansion. Mrs. Hastings is kind to me as well, treating me a daughter. I have written to Isabel, but received no response from her. A few weeks after I settled in, Dr. Hastings asked if I am literate; I told him yes. He brought me to his studies. On his desk, it was piles of papers with numbers and equations—we weren’t taught with mathematics back in school! His mathematics is more complex and strange.

“You see, I have studied this Big O for years at Oxford,” he explained to me. “I used to have an assistant who helped me with research. Unfortunately he is not at Oxford anymore. Every month I take the train from here to Oxford to present my new findings.”

“What is the Big O?” I asked him.

“Omega,” he replied. I never heard that term before! And Isabel never knows mathematics, neither does George!

“Your assistant, who is he?”

“Sir Richard York,” he told me. “It is a sad story. He was coming to age, and his mother arranged a marriage for him. Ah, the young Dickon refused for his heart was set on his young cousin, a Lady Anne Neville. His brother Sir Edward and her father Sir Richard Neville have not been on agreeable terms. Under Dickon’s insistence, Sir Edward invited Sir Richard Neville over to talk about the possible marriage between Dickon and Lady Anne. Only that Sir Richard Neville died after being hit by a cart. Even then, Dickon still had his heart set on marrying Lady Anne. Yet, he was told that Lady Anne Neville died from consumption not too long ago. Dickon refused to believe, until he was led to her grave. Poor lad!”

I was speechless.

I am _dead_? Mama threw me out and declared me dead? No wonder Isabel refused to reply my letters!

Oh dearest Veronica, I am not dead! I am still alive and healthy! I am merely living in a new residence using a false name! If Mama would take me back, I would go back without a hesitation. Now, it seems that was never to be.

I feel for poor cousin Dickon, for he had his heart for me. Had Mama agreed to marry me to him, perhaps all would end up well.

I would’ve been happy and he would’ve give me the answer on “The Big O”.

But now, I am living with the Hastings as their secretary and assistant. Fortunately, they treat me well. Perhaps…I don’t know. The future is so blurry.

I still believe that Mama loves me and will have a change of heart—I really do hope so.

Your poor friend of woe,

Anne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you do not know French, use online dictionary to translate yourself, because I'm not revealing anything!
> 
> Comments please!


	3. Sir Edward York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next morning the man came to him and wanted to have the fifty talers. He said, "Well, do you know how to shudder?"
> 
> "No," he answered. "Where would I have learned it? Those fellows up there did not open their mouths. They were so stupid that they let the few old rags which they had on their bodies catch fire."
> 
> Then the man saw that he would not be getting the fifty talers that day. He went away saying, "Never before have I met such a fellow." 
> 
> Source: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm004.html

_March, 1871_

Dearest Veronica,

I am writing to you from the York countryhouse. Yes, I am at the residence of my York cousins.

Since my failed engagement to Sir Edward Lancaster and my fallout with Mama, I have lived under the shelter and protection of Dr. William Hastings and his wife. They are a pleasant couple who treated me like a daughter. It is a pity that they are not blessed with children. Lady Hastings is a very intelligent woman of her own. She is a philosopher who devotes most of her time in writing. I scribed for her at times. However, most of my times were spent with Dr. Hastings and his study of “The Big O”, which is omega.

For some reasons, I have a feeling that omega was not “the Big O” that Isabel and Sir Edward Lancaster talked about.

One day Lady Hastings asked me of my age. I told her that I am sixteen.

“Sixteen going on seventeen,” she said softly. “My husband has taught many intelligent young men. He will find a good suitor for you. By then, my husband and I will provide you a dowry.”

How kind of them!

My heart was touched and I was rather sad to leave them.

And then one day, Dr. Hastings ran back into the house in haste. “Hurry, pack our things!” He told me. Lady Hastings and I packed our luggage and we followed Dr. Hastings to the train station. We were on our way to the country side.

“What has happened?” I asked.

“It’s my student, Sir Richard York,” he replied. “He is gravely ill.” He went on and told me that since he learned the death of his beloved cousin Anne Neville he has been ill. His mother Lady Cecily tried to introduce him to other ladies, but his heart is not into it. He refuses to eat; all he does is staring out the window. Fearing that her youngest son would die, Lady Cecily called out Dr. Hasting, Richard’s former mentor, hoping that he can talk some senses out of him. I stared down at my hands. Had Mama agreed to his marriage proposal, none of this would happen!

Soon we came to the York’s country house. I was never here before. It is quiet, decent, and refreshing.

Cousin Richard’s oldest brother, my cousin Sir Edward York came out to greet us. He is tall and strong, even though I think he is getting fat. He never saw me after my ninth birthday and thus he does not recognize me. Dr. Hastings introduced me as his niece and goddaughter Anna.

“Please to meet you Miss Anna,” he kissed my hand.

I dipped a curtsey. What a relief that George and Isabel were not there!

And thus, we settled into the York’s country house. Dr. Hastings and Lady Hastings spent their time with Cousin Richard while Cousin Edward entertained me. He is one head taller than me. His face is very handsome. At times, he treated me like an older brother. Other times, it was more than that. Once, I lost my hat into a pond. He actually jumped into the pond and fetched my hat for me! I was quite smitten and laughed heartily. Mind you, Cousin Edward is married with five daughters and two sons. However, his wife Lady Elizabeth (or Lady MacBeth) is not here. She is far away in Edinburgh with their children to visit their Woodville relatives.

During one of our daily walks, he asked me about my work with Dr. Hastings. I told him about “the Big O”. He seemed rather amused.

“Pardon me,” he laughed. “It is rather out of ordinary for a lady like you to say these words.”

“Are they not suitable for a lady?” I asked.

He laughed even harder. “Not out of the mouth, no. But very suitable for your mind and heart.” He pointed to my forehead and chest.

“What do you know about the Big O?”

“I have learned the Big O since I was fifteen,” he replied. “But please, let this remain a secret between us.”

“What is it really?”

“It cannot be described by words,” he said. Sir Edward Lancaster told me the same thing! “Would you like me to show you?”

Before I could respond, the servants called us back in. On the boudoir sat Lady Cecily, whose face was full of grief and worry. She implored the Hastings to speak to Cousin Richard more. But Dr. Hastings only shook his head. In desperation, Lady Cecily rushed back into Cousin Richard’s room. After Lady Hastings nodded at her husband, they followed Lady Cecily. Seeing that we are alone, Cousin Edward approached me, closer this time. “Miss Anna—“

Before he could continue, I tried to keep some space between us; only I stepped on his foot and tripped. I shrieked and fell onto the ground.

Soon I heard footsteps. The Hastings and Lady Cecily reemerged. Their faces showed signs of relief. Lady Cecily lent out her hand to me and said, “Come with me Miss Anna.” I went after her to Cousin Richard’s room. Oh dear! He looked terrible indeed, with his face so pale and dark rings under his eyes. Under his breath, he whispered in excitement, “I heard her Mamma! It’s Anne! She’s here! I want to see her!”

“No Dickon,” Lady Cecily insisted while presented me to him. “This is Dr. Hasting’s niece, Anna. She is not your cousin Anne.”

Once he saw me, he said nothing more. I wondered if he still remembered my looks, even though the last time we met was at Isabel’s wedding. Perhaps I have changed much, at least since the day Mama threw me out. Lady Hastings told me that I lost too much weight.

That day passed by with much awkwardness. However, Cousin Richard did start to recover since he was eating after hearing my voice. Seeing that his job was done, Dr. Hastings prepared our trip back to London. The moment before we leave, Lady Cecily stopped us. “Please, will you allow Anna to stay with us,” she beseeched. “She can help Dickon back on his feet.

And thus the Hastings returned to London without me. I am now staying at the York’s country house to accompany Cousin Richard as Miss Anna Newtown.

Cousin Richard, though starting to see that I’m not that Cousin Anne he longed for, seemed to be happy to have me around. I am quite relieved since I am more comfortable with him than with Cousin Edward. Fortunately, he returned to London two days ago. Before he left, he still tried to find opportunities to show me “the Big O”, but it never happened. Cousin Richard demanded my attention so much that we were always interrupted.

It is a shame since he was so eager to show me. I guess I just have to learn the “Big O” by other means.

Your friend and confidante,

_Anne_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments please!
> 
> And Happy Valentine's Day!


	4. Mrs. Jane Shore

_June, 1871_

Dearest Veronica,

It’s summertime and I am still at the York countryhouse. Cousin Richard’s health has been recovering since my arrival, for which Lady Cecily is very grateful. She told me to address her as “Aunt Cis” instead of “Lady Cecily”, and so I have. Aunt Cis has been kind and caring towards me and Richard. She asked me about my background and past, which I have not told her much. Cousin Richard is now well enough to return to his studies. At the York country residence, he spends his hours in his studies reading and writing, all about the Big O, or the Omega. He insists that I stay by his side; nothing makes him happier with me taking notes and reading to him.

So, I have become his reader and secretary.

He loves my voice, he has told me. During the day, he has me read all these complex, scientific works on mathematics. In the evenings, he wants me to read the classics, including the works of Charles Dickons, Alexandre Dumas Jr, and Victor Hugo. Last evening, he even allowed me to read him a novel of my choice; and I chose Jane Austen’s Emma. He commented that I am much like the character Emma—beautiful, intelligent, high-spirited, and silly due to lack of experience in the real world.

“Real world?” I did not know what he meant by that.

“Have you been anywhere aside from your house, London, or here?” He questioned. “My dream is to see the world. Africa, India, America…one day, I will make a big name for myself and for Great Britain.”

Indeed, the world is so much larger than I can ever expect.

“One day, I will show the world to you,” he added.

Instantly, my face was hot and I wasn’t even having a fever. I did not know why and still don’t.

Cousin Richard and I have spent great times together. Honestly, I am more comfortable with him than with Cousin Edward.

My duties at the York residence are more than accompanying Cousin Richard. Aunt Cis also entrusts me with handling her silks and wardrobes. Every week, I go to the house of Mr. William Shore; his house is slightly bigger than Sir Hastings’. Behind his house, there is a large warehouse. Along with his wife, Jane, Mr. Shore runs a silk business. Mrs. Shore is a fashion designer and she has an impressive list of customers, including Princess Louise and Princess Beatrice.

The Shores are a friendly, kind couple. They have known the Yorks for years. Mrs. Shore is a beautiful lady with red hair; Mr. Shore seems to be much older than her. However, they seem to be very happy together.

Mrs. Shore asked me about my relationship to the Yorks. I told her that I’m a niece of Sir Richard’s instructor and tutor, Sir William Hastings. By accident, I slipped the words “Big O”. Mrs. Shore burst out laughing.

“What is so amusing?” I asked.

“Say those words again,” she said.

And I did. She laughed even harder.

“Oh, dearest. Those words from your lips…”

“Why, what do you know about it?” Now it was my turn to be curious.

“Of course,” she replied and suddenly she became secretive. “Dearest, why don’t you stay for the night? You can tell your Aunt Cis that Mrs. Shore has more catalog to show you.”

“Is this okay?” I asked meekly.

“It’s fine,” she assured me. “Here, write to you Aunt Cis to let her know that you are staying here for the night, just for once. She will allow it, and please let her know that I will give her further discount if she allows you to stay for the night.

I sat and penned the letter to Aunt Cis; I explained the situation and promised that it’d be just for one night. I fully understand how much Cousin Richard treasures my company and my readings. Before I sent out the letter, I quickly remembered to add one last line: Mrs. Shore will give you more discount for this.

The letter was sent, and I stayed for the night.

When sun was set, Mr. Shore retired to bed. Mrs. Shore took me to the warehouse. There, more than a dozen ladies work there, attending the silk and clothing materials. Most of them are around Mrs. Shore’s age. They were excited to see Mrs. Shore’s arrival.

We all sat with food, fruits, and beers served. I never had a beer before, and I prefer fine wine. But Mrs. Shore’s girls only drink beer.

After all the eating and laughing, Mrs. Shore clapped her hand and announced, “It’s reading time!”

One of the ladies immediately ran out and came back with a book. Mrs. Shore gave her a strange look and took the book and started reading.

And it is one of the strangest stories I ever heard: The Story of O.

It is about a lady goes by the name “O” and she is a painter. She has a lover named R, who kidnapped her and locked her in the dungeon of his castle. He chained her to the wall and branded her arm and chest. Each day, she is blindfolded and whipped. Poor lady!

Her lover R later abandons her and gives her to a friend of his, goes by the name S. S has her wear a large, strange mask with no cloth on. Dear god, she must have suffered so much from cold. Somehow, she falls in love with S and becomes heartbroken when S abandons her as well. She is passed on to the third owner, whose name I cannot remember.

After Mrs. Shore finished reading, I asked her, “So when is her knight going to rescue her?”

All girls laughed.

They laughed for so long and I looked at them bewilderedly.

Mrs. Shore finally managed to control her laugh, and said, “Ah dearest, you are the most innocent being I ever known.”

I went back to the York residence the next morning.

I still don’t understand what the “Big O” is. Maybe it’s a woman who writes; or perhaps a lady who is large.

But how does that link to what Sir Edouard Lancaster and Cousin Edward tend to show me? And what does that have to do with mathematics?

I don’t know.

When I passed by Aunt Cis’ suite, I heard a conservation that intrigued me. Aunt Cis was discussing the possible marriage between Cousin Richard and me! Cousin Edward was there, and so were Cousin George and my sister Isabel. Hearing her voice, I bolted to my room and locked the door.

My heart pounded strongly in my chest. My body was shaking all over.

What would happen if Isabel were to see me? How can I introduce myself as Miss Anna Newtown?

What’s going to happen, I don’t know.

Marrying Cousin Richard, I assume that it’d be decent. At least, he can show me what the “Big O” is. Before I left the Shores’ house, Mrs. Shore told me that the “Big O” is something only my future husband can show me.

Your confidante,

_Anne_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part where Jane Shore read to the group and Anne is inspired by the film "Quill" starring Geoffrey Rush and Kate Winslet. The story that Jane Shore read is based on the novel called "Story of O", which is written in 20th century and much later than Victorian time. 
> 
> I hope you like this part. One more chapter then it's done!


	5. Dear Richard

_May, 1872_

Dearest Veronica,

So much had happened, and I don’t even know where to begin! But good news—I finally find out the secret behind the Big O!

What a long, adventurous journey! But it is all worth it.

I first heard it from the mouth of my sister Isabel. I asked Mama and she sent me to Mistress Beaufort’s bordering school, where I met you. After finishing bordering school, I was introduced to my fiancé, or rather my former fiancé, who offered to show me what the Big O is. That an immoral, perverted Frenchman! Oh, I was so shocked by his approach that I pushed him down from the bell tower. Mama was so angry with me that she threw me out of the house.

I wandered around in London and was taken in by the kind Hastings. Dr. Hastings told me that he had studied “the Big O” for years. Dear God, that is not “the Big O” Isabel talked about. By “Big O”, he meant omega, a complex study of mathematics that he analyzed for years. I lived with the Hastings for a long while until they were informed of the ill health of my cousin Richard, who was heartbroken of my supposed-death.

I followed the Hastings to the country house of the Yorks. Cousin Richard was amused by my voice and asked me to stay with him, for which I did. At Aunt Cis’ country house, I met my cousin Edward York, Cousin Richard’s oldest brother. He offered to show me the “Big O” as well, saying that it is something that I can only know on the top of my head and under my neck. I was so confused! Honestly, I still am; now I feel so sorry for his wife Elizabeth, for being married to a man who only conduct his marital duty in such a strange, unusual position!

While staying with Aunt Cis, I was invited by Mrs. Jane Shore for a stay at her house. There, I listened as she and her girls read a story called “The Story of O”. I don’t remember much of the content, but I do remember that the story is strange. It sounds like a story of a knight and a lady, but it isn’t. I don’t know and I don’t want to talk about it.

After coming back from the Shore’s, my days had not been good. I was not well, because I couldn’t sleep well. Something was wrong with my bed to the point that my body hurt. I thought of telling Aunt Cis, but then again, after all her kindness I can’t bring myself of complaining to her.

I continued to spend time with Cousin Richard; but at the same time, I was very nervous about George and Isabel. What if they appeared before me without a warning? What would Isabel say? Mama had declared me dead and held a funeral for me—she had buried me. If Isabel were to see me now, oh dear, I didn’t know how I’d act! Should I introduce myself as Miss Anna Newtown? Or should I tell Cousin Richard the truth of my real identity?

The lack of good sleep affected my health. I could not eat or think. Cousin Richard has noted my slowness in reading and scribing. He offered me orange waters and the best tea from India; but nothing helped. Then at the dinner table, Aunt Cis asked me, “Anna, you look pale. Is everything all right?”

To which I replied, “No, Aunt Cis. I’m not well.”

She asked me, “What is the matter then? Tell me.”

I answered her, “It’s my bed. Something is in my bed that hurt me. My back hurt and my legs hurt. Actually, it hurt everywhere.”

Hearing that, Cousin Richard yelped and jumped from his seat in joy. “Mamma, dearest Mamma! I know it! She’s my beloved cousin Lady Anne Neville! She didn’t die! She’s right here!”

I was dumbfounded. I watched Cousin Richard bewilderedly.

He then turned to me and smiled. From his pocket, he took out a small object—a pea.

A pea? A pea? What tis’ a pea?

“Dearest, gentle Cousin Anne, do you remember? When we were children, you always have the most delicate health. Once I planted a pea under your bed, and you cried to your nanny for the pain it caused you. Only you, Cousin Anne! Only you can be that delicate!”

Oh dear, I remembered! Yes, it did happen and I was only eight at the time. I could never guess it was Cousin Richard who did that to me.

Looking at him, I nodded.

“Yes, Cousin Richard, I am your cousin Lady Anne,” I told him. Then I continued, “Almost a year ago, Mama introduced me to my former fiancé, Sir Edward Lancaster. He is not a gentleman and I refused his immoral acts. As result, the engagement ended unceremoniously and in anger, Mama threw me out. I did not even know that she declared me dead until I was brought here by Dr. Hastings and his wife. They took me in after Mama threw me out. They have given me nothing but kindness.”

Cousin Richard went to my side. Taking my hand, he said to Aunt Cis, “Dear Mamma, I want to marry her. Please, she’s the only woman I’d have.”

Aunt Cis approved.

That night Aunt Cis had us packing and we went back to London. She had me settled in their house in London and she telegraphed Cousin Edward and his wife; Isabel and George; and then Mama. Calling them all to her house, Aunt Cis confronted Mama for her act of cruelty and foolishness. George denied me as Lady Anne Neville, but Isabel gave in. Mama did too. She did not look good. Guilt and sadness made her ill, or so she said.

I forgave her, to my own surprise.

Well, why shouldn’t I?

My true identity is revealed; I am marrying Cousin Richard; and I reconciled with Isabel and Mama. It is a new beginning.

And the best part: I’m going to learn what the Big O is!

Mrs. Jane Shore did say it’s something that my husband can show me.

On my wedding day, I wore a beautiful white dress of lace with a long veil. It was a modest ceremony; nevertheless, I was happy.

I could be happier if Cousin Richard, now my dear husband Richard, had told me earlier what the Big O is!

Before the wedding ceremony, when we were alone, I asked him what’s the Big O; but he didn’t tell me. Throughout the ceremony, I whispered the same question again; he didn’t tell me. I asked him again, again, and again. He still refused to tell me.

I was furious, so much that I refused to speak to him at our wedding party.

When we retired to our bedroom, I was still furious with him. I kept on mumbling to myself, “If only I can know what the Big O is…If only I can know what the Big O is…If only I can know what the Big O is…”

Dear Richard must’ve been very annoyed.

He pushed me down to the bed, and then…oh…all I could say is…oh…oh…and oh…

Oh…oh…OH!

Oh dearest Veronica! I know! I know! I know!

I finally know it now!

I know what is the Big O!

Your confidante who is expecting her child,

_Anne_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then the gold was brought up, and the wedding celebrated, but however much the young king loved his wife, and however happy he was, he still was always saying, "If only I could shudder. If only I could shudder." With time this made her angry.
> 
> Her chambermaid said, "I can help. I know how he can learn to shudder."
> 
> She went out to the brook that flowed through the garden, and caught a whole bucketful of minnows. That night when the young king was asleep, his wife was to pull the covers off him and pour the bucketful of cold water and minnows onto him, so that the little fishes would wriggle all over him.
> 
> When she did this, he woke up crying out, "Oh, what is making me shudder? What is making me shudder, dear wife? Yes, now I know how to shudder."
> 
> Source: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm004.html


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